I'm SO moving to Nashville...Part ONE

Finally. The long awaited day has come....(and gone). They said it would never happen and we proved them wrong. Ladies and gentlemen, Jeremy and Jennifer drove to Nashville and made it back safely without searching for divorce attorneys in the Nashville yellow pages. Everyone knows that Jeremy does not travel well. Ok I should rephrase. Jeremy travels well when he's got both eyes closed, mouth wide open with drool spilling out of the edge of his mouth. While driving. No, of course he's not driving. I'm driving. Because Jeremy gets tired. Jennifer has driving stamina. I'm limitless in my long-haul driving abilities. It's a talent I possess.

Anyways, we reach our destination, the Opryland Hotel, and it's like a really really nice airport or something. It's that huge. They give you a map and if you're not good at completing a maze on paper, you are in trouble because you better at least have some sense of direction. Of course I never got lost not once because I'm awesome. Jeremy on the other hand...need I say more?

So we have this really good luck going for us as we usually do and that weekend somebody was evidently giving away free Mini-Marts or maybe chain hotels because the place was swarming with middle-eastern people. Or Mohammeds as I call them. Because they all have that name. Am I wrong? Ok so not all of them. Some have it as their middle name. I stand corrected. I'm not bashing them, I'm stating a fact. Another fact I'll bet you didn't know. Mohammeds love curry. Yes, you knew that already didn't you. Does a bear shit in the woods?

So getting back to our Nashville trip, I personally loved the hotel because I love amenities. The room itself does not have to be large. I like to be able to walk out of the room and check out all the cool stuff going on, shop the hotel stores, and so on and so forth. I regret not having time to let the kids swim at the hotel pool, but I did take them there. We just watched other people swim. So, technically, I took the kids to the pool. I have pictures to prove it.

So day 1 of our BVEBJAJGA "Best Vacation Ever Because Jeremy And Jennifer Got Along" we decided to try the Adventure Science Museum. It's really educational if you actually read all the crap they write all over the walls and demonstrations. But who wants to do that? It's much more fun to skip over the boring stuff and get right down to the hands-on fun. Here's what I really learned from the whole day there: NEXT TIME TAKE HAND SANITIZER.

Day 2 of BVEBJAJGA was the Nashville Zoo. Now correct me if I'm wrong here, but aren't zoos supposed to have some animals, such as...I don't know...like lions, tigers and bears? Am I that big of a Memphis Zoo Brat that I can't appreciate the vast array of BIRDS the Nashville Zoo supplies to it's visitors for their viewing enjoyment? Listen up bird lovers across the country. You're gonna love Nashville's Zoo! You can even walk in the Bird Emporium or whatever they call it, hand-feed the stinky bastards, and get pooped on! Yey!

I was so excited about the red panda exhibit because it wasn't a bird. There was a man petting this big furry thing on his arm ever go gently and bending over so that little kids can share in the enjoyment...I was practically rubbing my hands with glee and making my way through the crowd when I realized he's just giving a damn red panda pelt a rub-down. "Wanna feel what a red panda feels like". A dead one? No thanks asshole. He's all yours.