What a week, and it was only Monday

If there was a real genius out there, they would find a way to create a "pause" button for life. A time to destress yourself for a second when you need to the most. I refuse to take a pill so I can better cope with the person that has obvious mental limitations that keep them from acting like a mature adult with daily adult responsibilities. They should be taking a pill for their chemical imbalances. Not me. I'm not shaving mental years off my brain for you.
So that is how my week has started. Labor Day of all days. To be fair, it started with Maya coming down with a very high temp. on Sunday night. By Monday she was not better and not eating. I had just taken her to the doctor the week before for urinary pain. Found out she has labial adhesions. On the same day Jeremy went to the doctor for an MRSA infection. Friday I had to drive him back to the doctor because it has gotten so bad (blood poisoning) that he could barely walk. The week before that, I had taken Maya to the doctor for MRSA, which Jeremy evidently picked up. I don't even want to know the amount of money we spent the last 3 weeks in co-pays and prescriptions. Not to mention loss of work for Jeremy. He was out Wed. through today, which is the Tues. after Labor Day. Lots of lost income. And since I had to take them to the doctors, lost of make up time for me. Actually I had so much make up time I opted to use a vacation day. Speaking of work, the partners are finally listening to me when I tell them I'm in the weeds with my workload. I'm now the bad guy because I can't seem to handle my load. Well, we ran the numbers and I'm literally double the load of the other girls. It's time to make this fair. I'm working too hard and not getting compensated for it.

So anyways I'm tempted to post Jeremy's leg photo, but he'll kill me. Plus it's not pretty. It's much better now, after 2 visits, 2 shots, and 3 prescriptions. He could have lost his leg. Probably would have if he had waited one more day.
So back to Monday. I had to take off work, as if I needed to get even more behind on my work. Maya did start feeling better with a temp of 99 around noon. I let her watch a DVD on my computer and she got one stuck. Took me about an hour just to gain access to the DVD player and once I pryed that open, realized I didn't have the proper tool to get to the DVD itself. I could scream right now.
Mentally I'm not doing well due to my bad Monday and from the stress of the weeks prior. Sunday we looked at 3 properties in Atoka. Crapholes. Waste of time. And I almost got us killed while trying to pass someone on a 2-lane road because someone in particular sitting the passenger seat was being a high-school bully and wouldn't shut the hell up and just be a passenger. It's fun spending lots of time with people that know everything.

Anyways, I've omitted lots of details in the middle, but it's really not worth mentioning unless I feel like I want to re-live those moments again, which I don't. This post is really not going to make much sense to anyone but me and that's ok. I feel like crying but I'm not going to. I'll blog instead and hope that it helps in a small way.

Part TWO

We drove home.
Ok so I forgot to post part two in a timely manner and now I don't feel like trying to remember what else we did, much less the order.

I'm SO moving to Nashville...Part ONE

Finally. The long awaited day has come....(and gone). They said it would never happen and we proved them wrong. Ladies and gentlemen, Jeremy and Jennifer drove to Nashville and made it back safely without searching for divorce attorneys in the Nashville yellow pages. Everyone knows that Jeremy does not travel well. Ok I should rephrase. Jeremy travels well when he's got both eyes closed, mouth wide open with drool spilling out of the edge of his mouth. While driving. No, of course he's not driving. I'm driving. Because Jeremy gets tired. Jennifer has driving stamina. I'm limitless in my long-haul driving abilities. It's a talent I possess.

Anyways, we reach our destination, the Opryland Hotel, and it's like a really really nice airport or something. It's that huge. They give you a map and if you're not good at completing a maze on paper, you are in trouble because you better at least have some sense of direction. Of course I never got lost not once because I'm awesome. Jeremy on the other hand...need I say more?

So we have this really good luck going for us as we usually do and that weekend somebody was evidently giving away free Mini-Marts or maybe chain hotels because the place was swarming with middle-eastern people. Or Mohammeds as I call them. Because they all have that name. Am I wrong? Ok so not all of them. Some have it as their middle name. I stand corrected. I'm not bashing them, I'm stating a fact. Another fact I'll bet you didn't know. Mohammeds love curry. Yes, you knew that already didn't you. Does a bear shit in the woods?

So getting back to our Nashville trip, I personally loved the hotel because I love amenities. The room itself does not have to be large. I like to be able to walk out of the room and check out all the cool stuff going on, shop the hotel stores, and so on and so forth. I regret not having time to let the kids swim at the hotel pool, but I did take them there. We just watched other people swim. So, technically, I took the kids to the pool. I have pictures to prove it.

So day 1 of our BVEBJAJGA "Best Vacation Ever Because Jeremy And Jennifer Got Along" we decided to try the Adventure Science Museum. It's really educational if you actually read all the crap they write all over the walls and demonstrations. But who wants to do that? It's much more fun to skip over the boring stuff and get right down to the hands-on fun. Here's what I really learned from the whole day there: NEXT TIME TAKE HAND SANITIZER.

Day 2 of BVEBJAJGA was the Nashville Zoo. Now correct me if I'm wrong here, but aren't zoos supposed to have some animals, such as...I don't know...like lions, tigers and bears? Am I that big of a Memphis Zoo Brat that I can't appreciate the vast array of BIRDS the Nashville Zoo supplies to it's visitors for their viewing enjoyment? Listen up bird lovers across the country. You're gonna love Nashville's Zoo! You can even walk in the Bird Emporium or whatever they call it, hand-feed the stinky bastards, and get pooped on! Yey!

I was so excited about the red panda exhibit because it wasn't a bird. There was a man petting this big furry thing on his arm ever go gently and bending over so that little kids can share in the enjoyment...I was practically rubbing my hands with glee and making my way through the crowd when I realized he's just giving a damn red panda pelt a rub-down. "Wanna feel what a red panda feels like". A dead one? No thanks asshole. He's all yours.

Man, My Kids Are Cute

Hollywood Here They Come

A night at the Incredible Pizza was more fun than I had expected. Evidently both of my kids are destined to be entertainers. Maya was bouncin' to "Barbie Girl" while Zach was rockin' out on Guitar Hero. He's really good. I wish I could have captured better video and a better song. He really does amaze me, it's like he's really playing a guitar. And he doesn't miss a beat. I just keep wondering if guitarists get carpel tunnel?

My New Fave Steak Recipe

I have a new way of prepping steaks for grillin'. And you don't even have to clean up the grill afterwards! Ok you probably should, but I'm just sayin'...it's really mess free. Here is all that's required in order to make the magic happen:

Steak of your choice, at least 1" think

Sea Salt

That's it!!!!! Amazing right? I love a hassle-free dinner. I was actually kinda apprehensive at first about dumping all that salt on the meat. However I read some reviews and decided to go for it. We haven't prepared our steaks any other way since! Check out the whole logistics here, which is done in a very humorous and amusing way I couldn't help but laugh out loud.

Try it. I double-dog dare you.

The Sin of My Ants

My bathroom has an ant problem again. These ants, which I believe are called "Pharoah Ants" are so annoying. They just won't die. We laid out some Terro, which is that poisonous syrupy crap they're suppose to eat, and share with their ant families, friends and neighbors. Well I have yet to see a trail of ants leaving the Terro. They're just camped in there and it looks like some have even drowned it in. I think I can even see them doing cannon balls and floating in little tubes. They're probably just drunk. It's pure gluttony and it's sick. I'm not here to provide for them. It's time they start doing their ant duty and take that crap back home where the real work begins. Ant Genocide. And don't forget the Queen.

It was a Good Friday

The day really does go by slow when you take your lunch at 9:45 in the morning!!! On Thursday I got to visit Maya's daycare for their annual Easter Bonnet Parade, and it was totally cute. Ofcourse my Maya was the most adorable little girl EVER, as usual. So it was worth taking an early lunch to watch all the little bunny ears parade around the building with the Easter baskets.


We miss Vicki, but I have to admit...I love her new daycare. I love her teachers and I love how close it is to my work!!! Speaking of Vicki, since I had to take off work for Good Friday, we met her and Michael for lunch at Chick-Fil-A. Coincidentally, Mandy and Peyton were going there so I met them all. It ended up being a productive day and by the time I got home around 4:30, I was exhausted. At 10am, we had an appointment for portrait retakes at Sears. I'm so mad at them, I don't even want to get into it because I'll be back into my "me against Sears" mentality and start getting angry. Then I'll start typing up my rough draft for the letter I'm going to send them about how unprofessional and rude they are, not to mention the fact I could sue them for misrepresentation.


So anyways, back to the "good" part of the Good Friday, we went to the Bass Pro Shop for picture with the Easter Bunny, while Zach and Peyton did the scavenger hunt. The whole thing wasn't anything I expected, but what the heck, the kids had a good time and it was good for Zach and Peyton to spend time together.

My Life "In the Weeds"

I know what you're thinking. No, I'm not smoking weed. Let me explain the idiom, probably spoken exclusively by restaurant wait staff population. When you're "in the weeds", you're busy as hell and basically running around trying to keep up. I have no idea where the expression came from but maybe the waiters got so stressed out they'd all go smoke out some weed in the weeds. I don't know, but it's a great way to describe my life. Actually, it probably best describes my perpetual state of mind. You'd think I'd be organized but I'm not even close to being that ambitious. My mind is very ambitious. Goals and everything. My mind has a mind of it's own. It runs faster than my body can handle. It's up there hanging out with a big black Franklin Covey planner waiting on my body to implement all the little tasks. But my body is a lazy, procrastinating Bitch. I have so many things I want and need to do that I just can't seem get much done because I get overwhelmed before I even get started. So I guess I should start smoking some weed in the weeds with the waiters.

The thing is, at the moment anyways, most things I "want" to do are crafts. I've pretty much got my hand in everything you can imagine. It all started with scrapbooking. That led to stamping, which led to card making. My husband say to me one day "why don't you take up a hobby that makes money?". Ok, cake decorating it is. I was inspired by a friend of mine's daughter who brought a decorated cake to work and it seemed so fun to me. I started with a Wilton Cake Decorating magazine and taught myself. It didn't take long for me to start selling. I sold cakes for 2 years, even made a few wedding cakes. My son got a few pretty awesome birthday cakes. Boy did I get burned out though!!! Then one day I decided that I wanted to make a quilt. Never thought I'd want to make a quilt! I had basic sewing skills but no sewing machine. I purchased a cheap $100 Singer from Target and made my first crib-sized quilt while pregnant with Maya. I decided to give her a Holly Hobbie themed room so I bought some fabric and got started. It was a Holly Hobbie print stitch-in-the-ditch style quilt and I was so proud of it. My second quilt was a full lap sized beauty with an earth-toned color scheme. By now I had made curtains, table top covers, a bean bag, blanket, and a few other small projects. I even taught myself to knit and made an afghan and scarfs. But sewing was what I loved. I was hooked because the possibilities seemed to be endless. Sewing was the best thing I could have taught myself. I wanted to make my own bedspread, shower curtain, cushions, you name it. I started keeping a list on my computer of all the projects I just had to do. So I spent lots of time on the internet. I made a folder of all my favorite craft sites and blogs. I couldn't make time to sew because I had to check out all the blogs and keep a file on all the cool projects that I was one day going to start on. I even started taking an interest in upholstery. I had to try it. A friend from work brought me a chair she had planned on reupholstering, had the fabric and everything. It took many months for many different reasons, but I finally did it. And it looked great. I just hope it has held up!

My computer crashed last month and I lost all those saved projects. It was right after I offered to help throw a co-worker a baby shower. I had so many cute and crafty ideas for the shower so it was a major blow to my plans. I finally had a reason to get off my butt and actually make something again. Oh I had reasons before, but now I had an obligation. About a week or two before the shower I was able to get my computer back and start researching for ideas again. I found really cute paper pie favors. Just make 'em and fill 'em! I got the template online and I don't know what fool thought she was doing a service to the public by posting her jacked up miscalculated angles and irregular lined template, but she totally screwed me up. I had half the mind to send her a courtesy note to suggest she call up a 5th grader for private tutoring in Geometry. Yes, I was that mad. My time is precious and I'm a perfectionist. It may take me a long time to get a project started but if anybody knows me, they know that I do it up right. So....after silently cussing her like a yard-dog, I got over it. I fixed the template myself and resumed my project after a quick run to Hancock's to buy some template plastic. That Amy Butler cardstock is not cheap stuff, you know? I'm not wasting any of it if I can help it. I know, maybe I'll send her a thank-you note instead. That would be the decent and mature thing to do. And attach my revised and perfect template with a photo of "this is what your paper pie could look like". Yeah. That's what I'll do. I feel so much better now. It feels good to help people doesn't it?